We can always choose to perceive
things differently. We can focus on what's wrong in our life, or we
can focus on what's right. - Marianne Williamson
Earlier I wrote about how change is inevitable,
and how we need to let go of how things used to be. But what can we do to enjoy
the now?
Let It Go: In The Present
Being able to take care of my daughter is one of
the greatest joys in my life. From the moment she came into this world I have
loved being her mommy. I feel a connection with her that is so great, and so
real it is almost impossible to explain.
I felt pretty confident in my ability to take
care of her soon after she was born, and for that I am grateful. As most
moms do, I studied her. I learned what she liked and didn't like. I noticed
what position she felt most comfortable in when I held her. Whether she liked
rocking, or bouncing. Singing or talking.
I've heard moms connect with their babies
instantly because they've been carrying them around forever. And for dads it’s
not as easy. So I tried my best to give my husband advice.
"Support her head!" "Why don't you
try rocking her?" "Play her this song, but not so loud!"
I remember one time I was trying to get ready and
asked him to pick out her outfit for the day. I must have walked back and forth
from her room to the bathroom five times. At least. Telling him where her
onesies were, her socks. Showing him where the sweaters were, etc etc. Well the
last time I walked in I noticed he was putting on her clothes from bottom up
because he didn't want her to cry when he pulled the clothes over her head. I
started laughing and immediately corrected him. He stopped what he was doing,
looked at me and said, "You need to let me do this my way." I was
speechless, because I knew he was right.
I needed him to dress her so I had to stop
telling him what to do, especially since I still wasn't ready yet myself.
I had spent most of my getting ready time going back and forth trying to help
him. But I realized in that moment that I wasn't trying to help, I was trying
to control. I knew what worked best for me and was trying to make my husband do
that, even if it wasn't what was best for him.
A few days later I was going to take a shower and
my husband was with my daughter in the rocking chair. She was crying so I
decided I would go in there and help him. I walked to the door and saw he was
holding her more upright than I usually do. I instantly thought she didn't look
comfortable and if he just cradled her a little bit more in his arms she would
calm down. I was about to say something when I caught myself.
Why did I immediately see a 'flaw' instead of
seeing that moment for what it really was? A new dad, holding and comforting
his daughter. It didn't have to be about how he was doing. He was trying,
because he loves her just as much as I do.
So I stopped myself from saying anything and I'm
so glad I did. They looked so sweet together in her nursery; I'll never forget
it. If I had interrupted to 'help' him, I would have missed that sweetness
completely. The reason I felt so connected to my daughter is because I had
figured her out by trial and error. If I kept telling him what to do and how to
do it I would have been robbing him of making his own connection with
her. That instantly helped me see how crucial it is to let go of my
own perceptions in order to be fully present in my life.
In life there will always be things we want to
control, whether we see it as control or not. It could be as deep as wanting to
control the way a loved one treats us, as simple as wanting to decide where
your family goes to dinner or in my case, the way my daughter was
comforted. When we become preoccupied and fixated on things we can't
control, we miss fully embracing and experiencing what is really,
truly happening in our lives.
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